Oh!
[chuckles]
Ahhhh!
[giggles]
♪ [opening theme]
[explosion]
Ahhhh!
♪
ROBOTIC VOICE: Counterfeit Cat!
[scraping] BETTY: [grunting faintly]
You know, Gark,
I have a funny feeling Betty's eyesight is getting worse.
Come on, Maxie. [grunts]
You've gained so much junk in your trunk.
I wonder what she can see.
BETTY: There it is!
[grunting]
Why am I even walking?
[sighs]
[thump]
Whoa! Someone wants his Fish'n'Cream biscuits!
Yeah, but I need to be alive to eat them!
Max! Whoa!
MAX: [screams] GARK: [laughs]
[smack]
[breathless] Excuse me, but is this the pet shop?
Sure is, but you can't bring that in here.
Hmph! Some animal lover you are!
[crash]
BETTY: Ahh! Whoa!
[various animal cries]
BETTY: Oh, you're a feisty one!
[animal noises continue]
I'm not looking forward to the journey home.
[thump]
[thud]
[slurp]
[sighs] Thank goodness that's over.
BETTY: Fish'n'Cream bickies coming right up, boys!
Fish'n'Cream! Even their name sounds like moonlight!
♪ [dreamy synth music]
Ah, you have to try them. Some of them. A couple.
Uh, you can have one.
[bag rustles, tears]
[thud]
[gasps] Dog biscuits?!
Nooo!
It's good, Max. You should try 'em.
[gulps]
[gagging]
We have to fix her useless eyes.
ANNOUNCER: [on TV] Hey, you with the useless eyes!
Have I got a deal for you!
Over here.
Follow my voice.
Come to the Fly-By-Night Laser Eye Clinic!
[zap]
I can see! I can see!
DOCTOR: And here's your bill!
I don't want to see! I don't want to see!
That's it!
We can't afford it, Gark!
We'll just have to do it ourselves.
Yeah! That's exactly--
Wait. What?!
Well, I can do lasers.
[zap]
Ahh!
We're talking precision optical surgery here, Gark.
[chuckles] Oh!
You mean like this.
[laser printer buzzing]
Ah. I do make a lovely masterpiece.
So, how are we going to do this? Hmm?
Got any anaesthetic?
BETTY: Oh, hello th-- [zap]
[thump]
That'll work.
This'll be easy.
First I'll just remove these weird
pieces of skin over the eyes.
No! They're her eyelids.
Oh, gosh!
The things you learn when you're performing surgery!
Well, here we go!
[loud, prolonged zap]
[yawns]
[stretches]
[electronic humming zap]
[shrieks]
[zap resumes]
What have you done?!
I made her eyes stronger!
[zap continues]
Whoa! No arguments there.
What a lovely, sunny day.
Better get some sunglasses!
[fires crackling]
Oh, a documentary on fires!
Sure hope they'll have some hunky firemen.
Unbelievable. She's worse than ever!
Only now she's destroying everything I love!
[zap]
We have to stop her.
She'll burn the flat to the ground...
[gasps] and we'll end up penniless buskers!
[both humming desperately]
Fix her!
I don't know how!
Unless she has a "Reset to defaults" button.
I got it! We'll take her to that laser surgery clinic.
They've got to have a customer complaints desk!
But we're not customers!
That's my first complaint!
Come on!
"Scratch-scratch", already!
BETTY: Walkies? What a good idea.
[zap]
I can get some new sunglasses.
Everything's so bright today.
[explosion]
[continuous zap]
[popcorn popping]
[zap continues]
MAN: [screaming]
[crash]
[zap]
[crash]
[zap]
Oh, the movie theater!
Come on, kitties. Let's see what's on.
MAX: Fish'n'Cream--
[shrieks]
[zap continues]
She's destroying everything!
Look up!
Oh!
♪ [regal classical music]
♪
[zap]
Simpson!
Don't just stand there like a pile of carbonized ash!
Get me more tea!
[weakly] Yes, my lord.
[zap]
Max, what is wrong with you?
Why are you acting all wack?
Quick!
Oh, 3-D glasses!
[zap]
Nice!
[intermittent zaps]
Come on.
Or...
[zap]
BETTY: Oh, kitties, it looks like the movie's about to start!
Are we really using Betty's laser eyes to steal
Fish'n'Cream biscuits from a pet shop?
Well, what would you do with them?
[thump]
BETTY: It's starting, it's starting, it's starting!
Just goes to show... everything works out fine
when you do home laser-eye surgery!
[multiple whooshes]
KING: Attention, earthlings!
Our race have always lived in peace...
until now!
Surrender or face our wrath!
BETTY: Oh, he sounds so strong and masterful.
[zap]
[explosion]
Oh, you've gone and done it now!
[various small zaps]
Here comes the action sequence!
[zaps continue]
You monster.
This is war!
BETTY: Oh, it's so interactive!
MAX: Ahh! Ahh!
Oh...
BETTY: Woo!
Hi!
As the representative of Earth, let me say
you can have what you want.
Just don't hurt me, just don't hurt--
KING: "Want"?!
[electronic surge]
Seems your laser weapon--
Betty.
--your "Betty" destroyed what was quite near and dear to me.
And now I'm going to take what is near and dear to you!
Oh. Um... This is a bit awkward, Gark.
Does it soften the blow to know you're near and dear to me?
Not really, but I understand.
My lord, I am Gark, and I am prepared to serve you!
What, that?!
I don't want that!
I want...
[frantic electronic beeping]
I want... your biscuits!
Biscuits?! What biscuits?
Those are...
Just holograms of biscuit boxes.
[whispering] Nice one, Gark.
[electronic surge]
[weeping & sobbing]
And let this be a lesson to you!
Nobody messes with the imperious race
of the Googly Eyes!
Simpson!
[electronic surge]
SIMPSON: Sorry.
[electronic surge]
Whoa! Whoops.
[multiple whooshes]
BETTY: [yawning]
I could never tell which one of us he was looking at.
A very cunning race, the Googly Eyes.
Hey, speaking of eyes...
time to get Betty's eyes fixed!
Yeah, that went well.
BETTY: What a fantastic ending!
Here you go. Treats for my peeps!
Cheer up, Max.
I'm sure it'll wear off...
eventually.
Pssh. Yeah. And, until then...
all I've got are these.
I wonder if they taste better toasted.
[zap]
MAX: [panting-moaning]
It's alright. I can do laser tongue surgery!
[chuckles] What could go wrong?
[chainsaw revving]
MAX: [clears throat] Now, Gark...
The hocking up of furballs is an illustrious tradition
that requires style and grace.
Watch.
[gagging & coughing]
Voila! A perfect furball!
Can I do it, too?
Go for it.
[gagging & coughing]
[gentle rhythmic beeping]
Look, Max! Mine has its own moon!
Pfft. Lacks emotion.
Completely under-phlegmed.
Okay!
[device beeping]
MAX: "Oh, look at me. I'm Gark.
I can hock up furballs the size of small cars.
I'm so cute."
If I were an alien, I could do that, too!
[snoring]
But what's better than being an alien?
Taking their technology without asking!
[chuckles]
[straining]
[thump]
[beeping]
"How to cough up bigger furballs."
Hmm. "Terms and conditions", "May cause heart to explode",
blah-dee blah-dee blah-dee blah.
Boring! Aaaaand...
"Accept."
Hmm. "Delivery time: four seconds."
Don't see how that's possi-- [shrieks]
[wheezing & coughing]
[splat]
Yes!
[chuckles]
Gark. Gark.
Gark!
[gags]
Oh, hey, Gark.
You're up late.
[coughing]
Whoa. How did you learn that?
I didn't want to show you up earlier, but I'm actually
a bit of a furball master.
[coughing]
I could keep doing this forever.
[coughs]
[laughs]
[coughs]
[wheezes]
Whoa. When you said "forever", I didn't think you meant it.
Shouldn't you stop?
[coughs] I can't!
I downloaded a furball enhancer from the codex!
Max!
[coughing & gagging]
I think the last one had my spleen in it.
No, it's still in here.
[straining]
[vomits]
I think that's all of them.
[moans]
Let that be a lesson to you, Gark.
Never agree to terms and conditions
without reading them first.
[rumble, growing louder]
Uh oh!
[squelching & rumbling]
Meep!
[shrieks]
It's a horrible monster!
No, Max.
It's a germinal multicellular eukaryotic diploid -
what you call a "bah-bee".
Meep!
A baby?!
Like I said, a horrible monster!
No! This is good!
I've heard having an incipient life form changes you.
Changes you! Me? Uh uh.
I'm out of here. See ya!
[thump, crash]
What are we going to call him?
MAX: I'm not going to call it anything!
It's a giant, plegmy furball.
Meep.
Something mysterious,
like "Dwayne", or "Brenda", or--
Will you stop this if I name him?
GARK: Okay.
Fine. Uh...
"Phlegmy"?
Meep?
Now talk to him using his name so he can get used to it.
Oh. Okay.
Aww, Phlegmy, --
Meep?
Get off me!
GARK: Look, Phlegmy! I made you dinner!
[deep gurgling]
[belch]
I don't think that's the right food for him.
Well, what do you think he'll eat?
Not my problem.
And this is a mega-zapper particle bazooka! You can--
[enormous zap]
Lasers are dangerous!
[enormous zap]
MAX: See?
GARK: I downloaded a parenting manual.
It even shows you how to build a playpen!
I'll just put your toy in.
[evil laughter]
Okay, Phlegmy. In you go for playtime!
Meep. Meep.
Meep! Meep! Meep!
Phlegmy! Get out of there!
Meep!
How do you turn it off? Ahh!
[clang]
Meep.
[explosion]
Phlegmy!
[sobbing]
What did you do?
I was just following the parenting manual!
This isn't a manual.
It's a death-prison thing!
At least I was trying!
Oh, I see! Now it's all my fault,
just because I didn't like you coughing up better furballs,
and just because I stole your codex,
and just because I refuse to take responsibility
for what I created!
All my fault, then, is it?
Uh... yeah.
Meep.
Hm.
Guess it does put me in a bad light, doesn't it?
But, from now on, I'll take care of everything, Gark -
just like I always do!
And I'll help -
just like I always do!
First thing to learn? Grooming.
[slurps]
Glide... and scrape, glide... and scrape.
Now you try it!
Excellent, Phlegmy.
Aww.
Phlegmy, watch me!
[coughs]
[laughing] I've got no tongue!
Gark! Stop messing around!
I'm trying to "parent" here, hmm?
♪ [mellow jazz music]
Let's try the litter box!
Carefully step in.
[crash]
Max! Betty just bought us a huge box to play with!
Come on!
I don't have the luxury of playtime.
I'm a little busy here, "parenting"!
♪ [mellow jazz music]
[sighs] Let's try something less messy.
Playing with cat toys!
Oh, yes!
[laughs] It's so much fun!
No, Gark.
Playing with cat toys is a serious matter,
requiring an enormous amount of skill and concentration.
[breathing deeply & grunting]
Hoo!
Now your turn.
Phlegmy, like this!
[whining] Ohhh, Phlegmy, are you okay?
[softly] Meep.
Gark, just stop helping and leave me alone to "parent"!
♪ [mellow jazz music]
[sighs]
Come on, Phlegmy. You can do it. You can walk.
[crash]
Meep.
[laughs]
Meep.
[laughs]
Meep.
MAX: Shh, sh-sh-sh-sh.
Meep.
[softly] Shh. You rest now, my little Phlegmy.
[softly] Max?
[yelling] Will you shush?!
♪ [gentle lullaby music]
Meep.
What is it, Gark?
Betty's left a ball of yarn out.
Since Phlegmy's asleep,
I was wondering if you wanted to unroll it with me.
Gark, I have to chart Phlegmy's sleep patterns.
GARK: Max...
PHLEGMY: [snores]
We never get to have fun anymore!
You don't have time for fun when you're being
the world's greatest single parent to a furball!
Maybe... you and Phlegmy and I should--
Ahem! Did you not hear "world's greatest single
parent to a furball"?
Now run along, Gark!
♪ [sad soft rock music]
Aw.
MAX: [sing-song] Phlegmy!
[chuckles] Time to get up!
Phlegmy? Come on, buddy.
I've got the whole day planned!
[deep voice] Meep.
Huh? Excuse me?
[voice breaking] Mee-eep.
MAX: Gark!
Something's happened to Phlegmy!
[sobs] There's no life in his eyes!
He just sits and does nothing except say,
[voice breaking] "Mee-eep."
Like, [high-pitched] "Meep"?
No! Like, [voice breaking] "Mee-ee-eep."
What's happened?!
Help me!
[whines]
I tried to help before, but you yelled at me to stop,
so I stopped!
Ohoho! So that's your little game, is it?
Refusing to help until I apologize?
No! I was trying to do what you asked.
Fine! I was wrong, you were right,
I got carried away, blah-blah-blah-blah,
apology-apology! Now help me, Gark!
[voice breaking] Mee-ee-eep.
[chewing]
Mee-eep.
GARK: Oh...
I think I know!
He's become a stage-two bio-organism -
what you call a "tee-en-aw-jer".
A teenager?!
[sighs] They grow up so fast.
Like, 24 hours fast!
So... there's no way we can change him back?
Nope.
[voice breaking] Mee-eep.
VOICES: [breaking] Mee-eep.
Mee-eep.
VOICES: Mee-eep.
Look, Max! A flock of Phlegmys!
He needs to be with them now.
So... I'll never have to worry about his emotional needs again?
I guess not.
[sing-song] Mee-eep.
Woohoo! Bon voyage, Phlegmy!
GARK: So long, Phlegmy!
Write if you get work!
Or hands!
VOICES: [sing-song] Mee-eep.
MAX: [sighs]
Now, about that ball of yarn...